watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
