Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
