Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
