other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
