I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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