So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I love you. Go after that dick
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
