sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
