Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize