Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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