I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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