Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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