I am spending my child support on dildos
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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