i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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