I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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