im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
