So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just invented taco cereal.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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