I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
