is your mom at the bar?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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