If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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