I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
