I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
