i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
