you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
