She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
