:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
