Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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