if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
