the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
This is classic penis vs brain.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
