You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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