I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
