you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
