question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
