somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
