Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
What drink are we having for lunch?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
