I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
