pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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