The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
