would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
God, I missed his penis.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
