sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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