She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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