Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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