I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize