Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
