I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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