Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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