He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
we're so committed to being not committed
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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