I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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