just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
