in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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