i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
