well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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