I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
