the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
