you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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