shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
