You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
