I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
