i jhust puked up my retainher.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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