I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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