Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
