We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize