hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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