i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
