You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize