thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
