At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
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