btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
