she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
