He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
