he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
When did angry sex become our thing?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
